Mysterious Disease Destroys Returned Missionaries’ English Speaking Abilities

An unusually high percentage of missionaries are returning home after their missions with an inability to speak English properly due to ‘Linguistic Dystrophy’. Studies have shown that this disease exclusively affects those who served in foreign speaking missions.

Strangely, the effects of the disease are greatly exaggerated when the returned missionary is:

  • Around somebody of the opposite sex
  • Asked to say a prayer
  • Bearing their testimony.

Nobody knows the reasons, but almost everybody has witnessed the symptoms.

A CLASSIC CASE

Amy, 21, from Cedar City told us of an experience during a first date with Chad. He returned from the Lima Peru West Mission two weeks ago:

“He was so affected! Like, wow. I realised once he started asking me to pass the napkins and salt and like, he just couldn’t remember the words in English! I felt so bad for him. But amazingly, he managed to fight the disease long enough to tell me the story of him saving a small Peruvian boy from rabid dogs. At that moment I knew he was special.”

Chad denies needing help for his illness, but still insists on calling everybody Hermano and Hermana.

OTHER SYMPTOMS INCLUDE:

1. Quoting the First Vision in your mission language at inappropriate times.

2. Compulsive translation of words and scriptures during Sunday School and insisting your mission language is a better translation, even when irrelevant to the lesson.

3. Endlessly repeating “that” language mix-up story. (Common examples: The Elder in Germany who told investigators that God has a suitcase of flesh and bones. Or the Sister in Spain who accidentally told the whole ward that she was pregnant giving a talk, when she was actually just embarrassed.)

IS THERE A CURE?

The only comfort for those seeking a cure is a study which shows that the disease dies down over time, most significantly after marriage. This is one of the unexplainable miracles of our modern day.

Help raise awareness of Linguistic Dystrophy by sharing this message with those who are suffering.

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